ranger joe 15

Greetings again, various valued friends and associates, its time for Episode #15, The Final Episode of the Adventures of Ranger Joe, Defender of Various Small Furry Animals.

...........A guy from Scotland pulled out of one of the overlooks in North District and apparently forgot what country he was in. He turned into the wrong lane and ran a motorcycle off the road. Nobody was hurt.........

..........An alert was broadcast over the radio to be on the lookout for a station wagon with Quebec plates possibly heading south on the Drive from Frunt Royale. The police in Frunt Roy'all wanted them stopped because they allegedly drove off from a gas station without paying for the gas. Two ND LE-types, Bill Cardwell and Drew Gilmore, were cruising the Drive looking for the vehicle but couldn't find it. A CD LE-type, Janice Pauley, was hanging out at Thornton Gap when the call came in and offered to head north from there. She found the car about 5 miles north of the station, and held them until the ND LEs could meet up with her. Drew escorted the car back to Frunt Royale...........

.............A camera crew from Fox-TV's "America's Most Wanted" was in the park during my last weeks there, and the show ran about in late July. They interviewed CD LE Supervisor Clayton Jordan and ND Interpreter Barb Stewart. They also showed the "Thornton Gap Entrance Station" sign and the office, plus a dramatic close-up of the folder we used to keep the daily stats and paperwork. WOW!! A folder full of deep dark Park Ranger Secrets?? Nah, just how many maps and passes we have to sell. Not a whole lot of new info was released, just a mention that the women both had been found with their hands bound. The Washington Post also reported that two women were found dead in Colonial National Historic Park near Williamsburg several years ago, both with their throats slashed and their hands bound. Not much else has been released.........

.................A guy and his wife drove up to the kiosk in a nice car and the guy said, "I've got a problem--I left my wallet in DC and don't have any cash." I said "You've got a bigger problem than that if you don't have a driver's license." He said he didn't have it with him, and I told him he couldn't come in the park without a driver's license. He hemmed and hawed, then I said that his wife would have to drive. "Uh, she doesn't want to," he said. I said, 'Look, I can't let you into the park if you don't have a license and don't pay -- ma'am, do you have credit card or a checkbook?" The woman opened her purse and I could see a big wad of cash. She pulled out a twenty and handed it to me, then I made them pull over and switch drivers..........

..........ND BC LE Ranger Dave Bauer (for those of you who can't speak Rangerese, that means North District Back Country Law Enforcement) wrote over $600 worth of tickets to one guy from Florida and his wife. It seems they drove their Jeep around a fire road gate and spent a couple of days camping in the backcountry and tooling around on the fire road in their Jeep. Dave came across them and found the guy to be very belligerent and uncooperative, with an indefinitely suspended driver's license, and in possession of a "controlled substance." OOOPS. Dave gets to go to court with the guy next week.........

...........One of my last chances to get on the radio and call something in came during my final weekend there, just as I was to head home for the day. A guy walked into the office and said sheepishly, "Uh, me and my wife and my kids were walking along a trail near the picnic area and, uh, we saw this big naked black guy down in the bushes, and, uh, I think he was, uh, uh, masturbating." Well, isn't THAT nice, I thought. I got out the maps and had the guy indicate where he had been walking. Needless to say, I got on the radio and reported that a visitor had seen a large naked black man somewhere off the Appalachian Trail near the Pinnacles Picnic Area -- I didn't mention "masturbation" part over the radio. Bobby Hawking, Rusty Hatfield and Lew Lincoln all responded, but nothing much was turned up..........

...........My actual last day at the park was fairly uneventful. The ND LE-types that were on duty stopped by to say farewell, and the maintenance guys did likewise. C.T. Campbell and Tom Knight stopped by as well, and poor Tom nearly started crying (believe me, it doesn't take a lot--he's a pretty emotional guy.) Pat and Russ had the day off but came by to take some pictures of me for their scrapbook and to give me some park souvenirs--bumper sticker, a pencil, a hat pin and a NPS coffee mug. When 4:30 rolled around, I took off my uniform, put on a pair of cut-off cammie shorts and a t-shirt and donated my pants to the new person. She had received her uniform a couple of days earlier and found that the Official Tailor of the National Park Service is Omar the Tentmaker.

Well, I thinks thats about it. When permanent employees move on to different parks, their former park has a large wooden arrowhead made up in the sign shop and all of their former co-workers sign it. Of course, mere seasonals like me don't warrant such perks, but I do plan to have my old Stetson circulated around the various places in North District and have all of my park friends sign it (unless Mary finds out and puts the squash on it because I'm "defacing an official National Park Service wardrobe item" or something equally nitpicky.) Its a good thing its a big hat. With that, Ranger Joe says "121 clear".