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Steven R. Fricke

It is no secret that the art of disciplining is probably the single most difficult and time-consuming role a parent has in raising a child. This website offers some ideas and resources of discipline strategies that have proven to be the most effective within the family structure.

What does the phrase "to discipline" mean ?

To many people, discipline means punishment, but in actuality, to discipline means to teach. The word discipline, which comes from the Latin root word disciplinare—to teach or instruct—refers to the system of teaching and nurturing that prepares children to achieve competence, self-control, self-direction, and caring for others.

Why Children Need Discipline?

	For protection
	To get along with others
	To understand limits

Discipline helps children...

	Think and act in an orderly manner
	Understand the logical consequences of their actions
	Order and use information important for their success in school and elsewhere
	Learn common rules that everyone lives by, such as respect for others' property
	Learn the values that are held by their family and community

Therefore, the purpose of discipline is to teach children acceptable behavior so that they will make wise decisions when dealing with problems.

EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE STRATEGIES

An effective discipline system must contain all of the following elements:

a positive, supportive, loving relationship between the parent(s) and child;
use of positive reinforcement strategies to increase desired behaviors; and
removing reinforcement or a strategy for applying punishment (contingencies) to reduce or eliminate undesired behaviors

Strategies for promoting a positive parent-child relationship:

	consistently have a positive attitude in the home
	give attention to desired, positive behaviors to increase there probability of re-occurring
	maintain regular times and patterns for daily activities and interactions to reduce resistance, convey respect for the child, and make negative experiences less stressful
	Listen to your child's needs, particularly with older children and adolescents. Be flexible and involve the child in decision-making.

Positive reinforcement strategies

	provide regular positive attention, sometimes called special time (opportunities to communicate positively are important for children of all ages);
	listen carefully to children and help them learn to use words to express their feelings;
	provide children with opportunities to make choices whenever appropriate options exist and then help them learn to evaluate the potential consequences of their choice;
	reinforce emerging desirable behaviors with frequent praise and ignore trivial misdeeds; and
	be a role-model for orderly, predictable behavior, respectful communication, and collaborative conflict resolution strategies.

Strategies to reduce or eliminate undesirable behavior

	be clear on defining the problem behavior, the reason for it's inappropriateness, and what consequence the child can expect when this behavior occurs;
	provide appropriately firm, but fair, response to the undesirable behavior the first time it occurs;
	deliver correction and instruction in a calm manner; and
	remember that consistency is the key to behavior management.

Top Ten Worst Discipline Mistakes Parents Make

by James Windell

Yelling - may be an effective way to vent frustration, but most children of "frequent yellers" soon learn to tune it out. As a result, the behavior does not change and kids often grow hostile.
Demanding Immediate Compliance - people don't respond well to demands because it shows disrespect.
Nagging - is often a problem for parents who try to be lenient or permissive.
Lecturing & Advice-Giving - Lecturing is fruitless. People have a limited attention span for monologues that involve no interaction. And lectures often do not address the problem.
Taking Anger Out On Kids - overreaction and inappropriate anger are extremely common in our high-stress society.
Shaming & Belittling - often parents don't realize they make remarks that cause their children to feel smaller, inadequate, less intelligent or more insecure.
Setting Traps - parents who tend to be punitive and authoritarian often try to catch their children in a lie to prove a point.
Imposing Excessive Guilt - parents who were raised in dysfunctional families often make the mistake of implying their children are responsible for the circumstances of the parents life.
Physical Punishment - physical force never accomplishes the purpose of discipline, which is to teach the child to have self-discipline.
Coercion - defined as the use of physical force to get the child to do what you want.

…and TOP TEN DISCIPLINE Principles

by Dr. William Sears

GET CONNECTED EARLY - discipline is grounded on a healthy relationship between parent and child.
KNOW YOUR CHILD - these are the three most useful words in discipline. Get behind the eyes of your child. Become familiar with age-appropriate behavior.
HELP THE CHILD TO RESPECT AUTHORITY
SET LIMITS, PROVIDE STRUCTURE - establish rules, but at the same time create conditions that make the rules easier to follow. Children need boundaries. They won't thrive or survive without limits; neither will their parents.
EXPECT OBEDIENCE - your child will be as obedient as you expect, or as defiant as you allow.
MODEL DISCIPLINE - a model is an example your child imitates. The mind of a growing child is a sponge.
NURTURE YOUR CHILD'S SELF-CONFIDENCE - the growing person with a positive self-image is easier to discipline.
SHAPE YOUR CHILD'S BEHAVIOR - a wise parent is like a gardener who works with what he has in his garden and also decides what he wants to add.
RAISE KIDS WHO CARE - Being a moral child includes being responsible, developing a conscience, and being sensitive toward the needs and rights of others.
TALK AND LISTEN - communicate with your child so she doesn't become parent deaf. Wise disciplinarians know how to open up a closed-off child and consider the Golden Rule: talk to your children respectfully.

Web Resources to guide effective discipline:

A Complete Guide for Behavior Management

Discipline & Bothersome Behavior Index

Parenting Help With Discipline: What All Parents Need

Positive Discipline For Single Parents